After a most revealing conversation last Thursday, I have been sitting with fear as I worry about being entirely unprepared emotionally and internally for Rosh Hashanah. As my friend pointed out, not being Yeshiva makes the month of Elul feel lacking somehow. While listening to his words, I realized, he is right and wrong. He is right in that the feeling is different. However, pre-Rosh Hashanah prep is only as good as the person working towards a goal. We who have spent time in a religious institution cannot use the excuse that our no longer living in that pristine environment is reason to not find Elul a meaningful month.
What are my goals for this year? Do I feel that I have the resolve to fulfill those goals? Do I even care because usually any resolutions for the year die before the month of Tishrei is over? What am I missing in all this?
Sure, I’ve done some reading. However, I don’t think I can say much of it inspired me. Perhaps that is the point. The real inspiration will come when I blow Shofar or as I speak, for then the awe will be upon me. My heart will be open to hear the cry. And yet, something is always missing, as if the Shofar, the “alarm clock” has a perpetual snooze button.
I realize this post is less substantive and more personal, but when facing such an awe-inspiring time, substance is secondary to the raw emotion. May we all be inscribed for a good, sweet and peaceful year.